October

It’s October again. My old friend(?) Grief has come back for a visit. Grief shows up with a box of memories, and plays them to me like videos to remind me of her laugh, her bossiness, her toughness, even her illness, even her pain. Grief asks “Shall I show you more?”

And the technicolor movies stab me and gut punch the air out of me, so I want to say no. I want to squeeze my eyes shut, hide under the covers, and ignore his very presence (because, honestly, how dare he show up like this again?) But the videos are HER, so instead I say “Yes! Show me each one! Every single video! Play them in slow motion! Play them in double time! Play each one so I can see each detail! Then play them again!”

Some of the videos make my chest ache. Some of them make me snort-laugh. Some make me feel like SHE is right here, so close, just BEYOND. If I could reach through the screen she would punch my arm for being in her space.

Sister, it’s October again. Grief is here. He has brought the box full of memories with him again. And as he approaches, I perk up, because he has brought YOU with him,

Thank God.